They’re known as the Three Wise Men, Kings or Magi. They travelled from the east to bestow gifts upon our savior. Gifts that a young savior needs, I guess.
Magi 1: Where’s Gaspar? He’s always late.
Magi 2: He had to stop. Said he forgot a gift.
Magi 1: Seriously? Some Magi. This is the third time. Remember China’s immaculate conception? Showed up empty-handed.
Magi 2: I know, I know. But he’s funny and he makes awesome travel jerky. You know this. And remember that stew?
Magi 1: That was delicious.
Magi 2: Right? That’s why I don’t mind waiting a few extra. Anyway, what’d you get the little baby Jesus?
Magi 1: Oh I got him some really nice gold.
Magi 2: (Stares in disbelief)
Magi 1: What? He’s the savior. I went big. This doesn’t happen every day you know. What’d you get him?
Magi 2: … Frankincense.
Magi 1: Did you say Frankincense? Jesus, Bal.
Magi 2: Hey! A little early to start using his name in vain, don’t ya think? And frankincense smells lovely! And babies smell! The boy might not like it but Mary and Joseph will thank me. You can take that to the bank. Obviously, banking isn’t a problem for you.
Magi 1: Was that a shot? That sounded like a shot. Listen, we’re talking about our lord and savior here, not your cousin’s kid.
Magi 2: What about my cousin’s kid?
Magi 1: Nothing. Listen, you’re missing the point. I’m saying…
Magi 2: No, no. What about my cousin’s kid? Are you saying something about…
Magi 1: Not the point, but if it makes you feel better, that kid is not the thickest book on the shelf, Bal. You’ve seen him do the thing with the goat. That’s not normal. Honestly, he creeps me out a little. Do you feel better now that you know that?
Magi 2: Ok, the kid is creepy, but I just can’t believe you bought a baby gold. What’s a baby going to do with gold?
Magi 1: Invest. Build a portfolio. You can never start too early these days.
Magi 2: Oh, this is precious. I’m sure this is the grand plan for the boy. “Go forth, earn interest, gain wealth and retire in Pompano Beach.”
Magi 1: Oh look who’s talking Mr. I brought you tree sap?
Magi 3: Boys, boys. What’s the problem? Here. Jerky it out. I brought extra.
Magi 1: About time.
Magi 2: He’s being a bitch.
Magi 3: I see that.
Magi 1: So I understand you forgot a gift? I hope you rectified that.
Magi 3: I did. I picked up some really nice myrrh and…
Magi 1: Did you say myrrh?
Magi 2: Oh here we go…
Magi 3: Yeah. Myrrh is awesome. It smells nice and babies need to smell nice.
Magi 1: Wonderful. Everything a growing boy needs. God’s going to be so pissed.
Magi 2: Not at us. If anything, he’ll find your materialistic gift off-putting and our humble offerings in the true spirit of this momentous event. So suck it.
Magi 3: Yeah! Suck it!
Magi 1: I hate you both.
Magi 2: This jerky is delicious, Gaspar. It tastes different.
Magi 3: I used a little cinnamon. First Christmas and all. Thought I’d go all out. Try something different.
Magi 1: It is really good. Let’s go. Who’s got the map?
Magi 2: Gaspar?
Magi 3: Ummmmmm…..
Magi 1: (smacks forehead)
Magi 2: Let’s just follow that star. It’ll be fine.
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Ah, a Mayopie post for my Christmas stocking.
There’s a song that comes to mind: “I’m going straight to hell”
myrrhiffic!
Cheap tree sap as a present make perfect francinsense to me.